Aunty your generation are quite sober and acquiescent but these days girls are intractable. Don’t go for carrier oriented match. Independent daughter-in-law will be out of your hand. The stereotype conservative statement from a male vicenarian shocked me.
In the time of feminism, the ideology of subjugation, that too from a youth certainly a point of disappointment.
Exercising control on Bahu is the par course in my land. A daughter-in-law is an obedient creature to be at the beck and calls of sasural. The upright husband barely takes stand for his wife. He prefers to stay away from any conflicts being parents’ innocent puppy pet. Our rigid traditions, culture expedient the arm twisting and respect for elders play a fair game to tightened Bahurani’s rein. If at all the daughter-in-law questions, she will either receive a flurry of anger or be pursued by sugar-coated words in an extra sweet tone.
From what to wear to when to visit her parents all are fixed at the cold command of in-laws. Even there is no escape for modern independent women. Control freak in-laws don’t late to keep account of bahu’s income. The pretentiously reserved husband who don’t indulge in home expenditure morph into an apt financer to take care of his wife’s financial matter. Her right to spend her own money is sieged. If she supports her parents a chunk of her income, it is under the vigilance of in-laws. Then In-laws boasts of themselves as the goddess of mercy by not interfering in daughter-in-law’s dispenses.
This illness is so deep sited that we take subjugation very conveniently. To add fuel to this mind-set, mythology and history sites examples of obedient daughter-in-law in galore. From Sita to Mondadori and from Draupadi to Subhdra the women are idolised for being the epitome of obedience. Ok, I do respect them from the core of my heart. In that facet of time, it was all set good.
In the 21st century aspiration of women are different. They are independent and individualistic and want to rise over their subordinate status. Now they are more aware of their personal space. An independent woman will never give in to dwell in the dominant air. Conservativeness needs a paradigm shift to open-mindedness. Enjoying Bahu’s obedience under duress is unfair and this will never earn respect. She may play the equal opposite game at her turn.
Why the control game is mostly played by the mothers-in-law?
In ancient times women are not given much freedom. They usually get married at a very tender age of 14-16. Her entire life passes under the control of her parents and then in-laws. Human psychology emanates what it has been in, so she displays equal overbearingness to her daughter-in-law. Seemingly reticent fathers-in-law contribute their part, by being a silent spectator in the picture. Actually, he instigates controlling fire by empoisoning Sasuma behind the curtain. Thus patriarchy gets a conducive environment to thrive under. This vicious cycle needs to break and to do it we need little understanding and empathy for our alike genes.
Let’s break it
Any girl has her own mind. Tyranny engenders rebellion. She may take things in silence but spell curses beneath her ingratiating smile. On the other hand, the liberal approach will create harmonious rapport by bringing down the ugly chasm between Bahu and Sasural.
So, instead of poking nose into daughter-in-laws life, let’s make room for her.